Rejections are part of the journey

Writers often question why they are writing. We know the bottom line is that we want to write and so we do. It’s almost an uncontrollable urge. Convincing ourselves that others want to read our work is not so easily accomplished. When a reader lets us know that our words resonate with them, that they connect with the story or with a particular character, the reward could not be greater! Honest! Ask anyone who writes.

The entire culture of being published has changed dramatically over the past few years with the growth of indie or self-publishing, but today I want to share an interview that relates to following the traditional route. Part of the process of seeking literary representation includes accepting the fact we will, in all likelihood, receive many letters of rejection.

Recently Kathryn Stockett, author of The Help, wrote a fabulous article about her experience of receiving 60 rejections before one agent recognized her talent. The humor, insight and truth she expresses is inspiring to many of us who write for the love of it and hope for the best.

These two cartoons are part of a series “101 Excuses Not To Write”. Free for anyone to access by the way, fellow bloggers!

I’m printing the article below and also posting the website on which it can be found.(I’ve posted this article on Facebook and Twitter but want to share it with readers who have managed not to succumb to the siren call of social media!)

Kathryn Stockett’s ‘The Help’ Turned Down 60 Times Before Becoming a Best Seller     by MORE Magazine, on Tue Aug 9, 2011 6:02am PDT

If you ask my husband my best trait, he’ll smile and say, “She never gives up.” But if you ask him my worst trait, he’ll get a funny tic in his cheek, narrow his eyes and hiss, “She. Never. Gives. Up.”

It took me a year and a half to write my earliest version of The Help. I’d told most of my friends and family what I was working on. Why not? We are compelled to talk about our passions. When I’d polished my story, I announced it was done and mailed it to a literary agent.

Six weeks later, I received a rejection letter from the agent, stating, “Story did not sustain my interest.” I was thrilled! I called my friends and told them I’d gotten my first rejection! Right away, I went back to editing. I was sure I could make the story tenser, more riveting, better.

A few months later, I sent it to a few more agents. And received a few more rejections. Well, more like 15. I was a little less giddy this time, but I kept my chin up. “Maybe the next book will be the one,” a friend said. Next book? I wasn’t about to move on to the next one just because of a few stupid letters. I wanted to write this book.

A year and a half later, I opened my 40th rejection: “There is no market for this kind of tiring writing.” That one finally made me cry. “You have so much resolve, Kathryn,” a friend said to me. “How do you keep yourself from feeling like this has been just a huge waste of your time?”

That was a hard weekend. I spent it in pajamas, slothing around that racetrack of self-pity—you know the one, from sofa to chair to bed to refrigerator, starting over again on the sofa. But I couldn’t let go of The Help. Call it tenacity, call it resolve or call it what my husband calls it: stubbornness.

After rejection number 40, I started lying to my friends about what I did on the weekends. They were amazed by how many times a person could repaint her apartment. The truth was, I was embarrassed for my friends and family to know I was still working on the same story, the one nobody apparently wanted to read.

Sometimes I’d go to literary conferences, just to be around other writers trying to get published. I’d inevitably meet some successful writer who’d tell me, “Just keep at it. I received 14 rejections before I finally got an agent. Fourteen. How many have you gotten?”

By rejection number 45, I was truly neurotic. It was all I could think about—revising the book, making it better, getting an agent, getting it published. I insisted on rewriting the last chapter an hour before I was due at the hospital to give birth to my daughter. I would not go to the hospital until I’d typed The End. I was still poring over my research in my hospital room when the nurse looked at me like I wasn’t human and said in a New Jersey accent, “Put the book down, you nut job—you’re crowning.”

It got worse. I started lying to my husband. It was as if I were having an affair—with 10 black maids and a skinny white girl. After my daughter was born, I began sneaking off to hotels on the weekends to get in a few hours of writing. I’m off to the Poconos! Off on a girls’ weekend! I’d say. Meanwhile, I’d be at the Comfort Inn around the corner. It was an awful way to act, but—for God’s sake—I could not make myself give up.

In the end, I received 60 rejections forThe Help. But letter number 61 was the one that accepted me. After my five years of writing and three and a half years of rejection, an agent named Susan Ramer took pity on me. What if I had given up at 15? Or 40? Or even 60? Three weeks later, Susan sold The Help to Amy Einhorn Books.

The point is, I can’t tell you how to succeed. But I can tell you how not to: Give in to the shame of being rejected and put your manuscript—or painting, song, voice, dance moves, [insert passion here]—in the coffin that is your bedside drawer and close it for good. I guarantee you that it won’t take you anywhere. Or you could do what this writer did: Give in to your obsession instead.

And if your friends make fun of you for chasing your dream, remember—just lie.

The article was written by Kathryn Stockett.

Editor’s Note: This essay appears in the anthology The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons from Extraordinary Lives, edited by Katie Couric and published by Random House in April. Stockett’s novel went on to be a bestseller and the movie “The Help” premieres on August 10.

Here is the link to the article with photo on Shine from Yahoo.

Obviously one of the ways to handle rejection is to dig your heels in and not give up. It takes strength, determination, a good sense of humor and possibly a lot of chocolate. How do you handle rejection or stumbling blocks in your path? What works for you?